Challenging Day

We have been so blessed with encouragement, prayers and support.  I opened up the front door this morning and there was a package from Amazon.  I was wracking my brain trying to remember what I ordered - but it was a surprise from a great friend from back where we used to live.  It was a book entitled "Plan B" - What to do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would by Pete Wilson.  Thank you Frank W.  I actually read the first couple of chapters setting at the hosp. today.  You sent him to me just when I needed to hear it most! 

Another miserable night last night for R.  They set him up with a Morphine drip and he could push the little button every 10 minutes.  What were they thinking?  I think the pharmacist has never been in severe pain and had no clue that if you want the medication you have to stay awake to push the stupid button!!  Needless to say when he called me this morning - he had been up all night and to let me know the pain was still horrible -  I was quite upset and made it known that something had to change.  So after my arrival and a visit from our wonderful Oncology dr..... we got it switched - but it took until about 11:00 a.m.  So many dr.s and so many opinions on what should happen.  He is now on a stronger pain medication and they have "blasted" him twice today with a heavy dose to keep the pain level to where it's not as sharp - but it's still there.  He was sleeping peacefully when I left.  I hope he stays that way.   

It's been a very trying couple of days.  I thank my wonderful kids for being such a blessing to me.  My daughter - always thinking of me and checking on me - bringing me food - sending me little messages when she can't be there.  My son - always wiser beyond his years - thank you son for the messages and phone calls and always being available even though you are a little ways from here... thank you both for being so easy to love and communicate with - This is very hard on all of us - but we are going to get through all the trials placed before us and we'll come out on the other side better because of it. 

Pray for R to have a better day tomorrow.  No talk of how long we are going to be there this time at this point. 

Trials...

Yesterday there was just no time to write anything - We had quite an evening dealing with side effects from the drugs and intense pain that decided to show it's ugly self.  We had a horrible night last night.  We came very close to calling the EMS at midnight and I managed to get him settled down for about 3 hours and then he wanted to wait until morning......So today.....  Following R's Radiation treatment - we were sent to the ER to get the intense pain under control.  He's got several issues going on.  They opted to keep him following the evaluation from the Oncology Dr., The Neuro Dr., and the GI Dr.. It was a long day.  We were in the ER unit until 4:30 when a bed opened up for him. So he has a great suite in the Maternity/NeuroSurg Ward - nice big room and all the amenities of a place you have no desire to spend too much time in. 

They are keeping him for approx 2-4 days.  Pray for the pain to diminish. Pray for all of us as we continue to endure what is to come.  He's very miserable and it breaks my heart to see him in such pain and there is nothing you can do. 

It's 10:01 and way past my bedtime.  Keep up the prayers and don't forget to include your request for a miracle. 

#1 Radiation Treatment

R was tired today most of the day.  I think he had an energy surge yesterday which was probably too much.
We have to fit alot into a day.  Things that others take for granted - you quickly learn - that you need the help and you gladly let others help you.  I did get to work again today.  He pretty much makes me go and it's ok. I want to but not to say I don't worry alot about him when I'm not here.  I think he was a little agitated by my second phone call and I was only gone for 6 hours.  Maybe I will get better at not worrying so much. 

Anyone who has ever had Radiation Treatments or known someone who has had them - knows the markings are similar to a war zone.  It looks like a picture our 3 year old grandkids would draw with a purple marker.  It helps the team doing the treatment to get the most benefit from the treatment.  I wasn't allowed to go back with him - so he was on his own.  Thankfully they have a jigsaw puzzle set up in the waiting room and I had it all to myself.  The treatment went well - however when he wanted his back scratched - it was very tender on the target spots. So it must of done something today. 

Tomorrow will be a tough day for us.  We have two appointments back to back and I'm sure that will wear him out.  We ask for prayers for the unknown. We ask for prayers for a miracle.  We know we don't get if we don't ask.    

What happened to Monday....

I made it to work today for 1/2 day which felt really good.  A welcome change and I'm very grateful for the wonderful people I work with to make my schedule flexible and coping with the messed up days.  Hugs to all of you!!  You make my life much easier right now. 

R gets a call today from the Radiation location and they want to see him today at 2:30.... WE both LOVED the dr. out there we are seeing.  He was awesome!!  Long story short - they did his markings today and they will begin radiation therapy tomorrow.  This will last for 2.5 weeks.  5 days a week.  The radiation therapy will be to knock down the pain he's having.  It will only take about 20 minutes from walking in the door and back out.  The side effects are minimal. There are some - but it sounds like they are much more manageable than chemo.  Chemotherapy does not touch this cancer. 

We have no official report from Oncology today.  They are doing some further testing of stains and further research on the rare form of cancer this is. 

R is getting around the house very nicely today with his walker.  He pretty much has mastered getting into every room - I told him he was not to attempt the steps to go downstairs!!  However - there are two steps to get into the house and he managed those pretty well and he's had to do that several times now.  So I'm glad he's getting more mobile.  He just looks like he feels better. 

Pray for the Radiation to begin to make the pain more manageable for him.  Pray for continued healing from surgery.  Continue to pray for all of us - our kids and grandkids included. 

Where did the day go?  My day has been consumed with making sure R has what he needs.  I spend alot of time just checking to make sure he's doing ok.  He had a great night last night - slept really well.  (which means I got some good sleep too) He woke up at 6 a.m. - got his wonder drugs and fell back to sleep for another 2 hours. It's really the first good sleep he's had since surgery last Tuesday.  He didn't get much sleep in the hospital at all.   He did manage to get a shower which felt wonderful to him.  It was an ordeal - but we conquered.  He took a couple of walks around the house and set in the living room and talked with some company.  He laid down for some down time and then the pain in his hip became unbearable.  Sort of took the three steps forward earlier in the day and then he got moved backwards two steps.  He really had no appetite today.  I guess tomorrow I'll get him the wonderful nourshiment in a can and make him drink it. 

He really needs your prayers to get past the next few days - we know he's healing from the surgery - but the other complications that creep up are worse than the 4" war zone on his back.  Keep praying for the unknown that will surface very soon.  Your prayers, phone calls, emails, visits, encouragement all mean so much to us all. 

Home At Last

We got him home this afternoon.  He tolerated the ride and got inside just fine with the help of a walker.  The walker will be his best friend for a few days here until he can get around better.  He's pretty well worn out tonight.  The hosp gave me the scrips he needs to take at home - so being Christmas Day - I discovered there is only one CVS and one Walgreens store open with the pharmacy being open too.  And I had to tackle both of them to get everything we needed.  I am learning alot about high power drugs - it takes God's signature to get the drugstore to release it.  I've got him on my side so it went better than I thought.

He is searching for the most comfortable place to be propped up like his hospital bed - right now I think I counted 6 pillows behind him to get him comfortable.  It's working for now. If it doesn't work we may have to move a hospital bed into our house.   Hopefully he will continue to improve and get around better and by moving around he might loosen up enough to get the pain subsiding in other areas than his back.  Pray for a good night for us tonight.  I'm trying to be a good nurse - but i'm nervous sometimes.  Time for me to pass the med tray.  Keep praying for the unknown which will be here soon.  I'm very nervous about that as well.
But we have to know - the entire reason for his surgery was to get answers.   No matter what - we'll move forward in full force and hit it head on. 

LLLLLLLoooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg Days

His day started off nice with a visit from a couple guys from work.  He enjoyed talking to you two!!  Thank you for coming to see him.  We enjoyed the visits we had today from friends and family.  Our oldest grandaughter knew how to get to Grandpa's room even though it's quite tricky in the roundabouts. 

They ended up keeping him in the hospital tonight.  We both decided that it would be best.  He did get up in the chair this morning for about 1.5 hours and later took a walk with the physical therapist. And another walk after I came home tonight.  He was pretty tired tonight.  He's making progress little by little as the days go by here.  We are planning on coming home tomorrow morning (hopefully).  Should be a little tricky getting him here - but we'll be ok once we are in the house.  The occupational therapist gave us some hints on getting in and out of the car and into the house.  It's those things we all take for granted that he has to be so careful about.  

We hope everyone has a blessed Christmas tomorrow.  We sidelined Christmas when our lives got thrown a curve ball.  So, for us it will be a different sort of day. Pray for our safety in getting home and getting him settled.  Pray that the upcoming days are filled with healing for him.  Pray hard for the unknown coming our way. 

   

They days are just filtering in from one to another.  The last 23 days seem like a big blur.  Yesterday I had Christmas with our kids and our 4 grandchildren - so our son could get home ahead of the snow storm heading his direction down south.  That was a very odd day.  Nothing was normal about it.  The grandkids had a ton of fun.....and I think to myself..... if we could all be so happy and carefree about everything.......how life could be so different.   We all have to carry so much!! 

Randy has been moved to yet another room as of last night at 8:00 ish.  At least they didn't have to switch his bed like the first move.  He continues to be in a great amount of pain.  The "wonder drugs" continue to bring on their side effects in full force.  There is a chance he may come home today.  As much as I want him to come home - I just don't know if he's ready.  Each day has gotten a little better...but then he hasn't been up and moving at all.  Today they hope to get him up.  So we shall see what the day brings.

Your prayers, encouragement, and support is very needed!!!  Thank you for everything that everyone has done for us.  We can never thank you enough. 

Made it through another one...

The ICU unit is the greatest!!  The nurses are super nice and very attentive and patient.  He remains there as of when I left tonight mainly because there is no room for him in a regular room. He can stay there for all I care - it's a great room.  The hospital is full which they say is rare so close to Christmas.  He had a tolerable day.  It wasn't great - but it wasn't horrible.  He didn't sleep last night hardly at all - Dr. gave him a sleep aid for tonight - so hopefully he can sleep.  He is laying flat on his back for yet another day.  His entire bed tilts so he can raise up.  I spent the whole day with him.  He managed to sneek in a nap or two now and then...that is when he wasn't watching a marathon of NCIS.

He ate decently today.  The pain was managable with his back. The newest issue he is having is numbness in his right leg now.  He had numbness and a burning sensation in his left leg prior to the sugery.  That is all steming from the cancer no doubt since it choose to house itself in his central nervous system. 

They will attempt to get him up probably on friday........and send us home on Saturday.  I pray that he heals in a decent amount of time so we can move forward with a plan of treatment.  We still don't have the pathology report back and it more than likely won't be available until Monday or Tuesday.  Seems like forever - but at least we know it's coming now. 

I need to get recharged!!  Good Night!! 

  

The Day Is Done

Surgery was 4 hours long today.  I was getting quite antsy the last 1/2 hour because I knew the longer he was in there - the more invasive it was going to be.  And my suspicions were correct.  The surgeon removed a portion of his spinal column (about 4 inches) and was hoping to have a tumor there so he could get a biopsy without going into the cord. Well there was no tumor present outside the spinal cord so he had to cut the cord and go in.  When in there - he saw multiple tumors - he had to move some of those tumors to get to the largest mass for the biopsy.  He was able to obtain the needed biopsy.  We now have to have the pathologist do the official analysis.  The surgeon mentioned that this is a very rare cancer if his suspicions are correct.  But like he said..... cancer is not his forte' and he would not comment any further.   

Since the surgery was the more invasive he is in ICU tonight and all day tomorrow.  They will move him to a regular room possibly tomorrow night (wednesday).  He will be in most likely until Saturday.  In hospital terms that is just another day even though it's Christmas - so we'll go with that.  He was in intense pain following surgery.  He had settled down with several doses of Morphine by the time they kicked me out.  Pray for his pain to be tolerable and for the report to be back soon so we can move on to the next step following recovery from surgery.  Your prayers were most appreciated today.  You aren't done yet....   

Give Me Strength

I set here this morning asking for a miracle.....asking for strength.......asking for more prayers than any of you can imagine.  He had a really rough night last night.  The pain is intense and finding a comfortable position to be in is no longer an easy accomplishment during the nights.  Praying today for answers to get him some relief from the pain.  Praying for strength to endure the day. Praying for the weather to be kind to get my kids beside me.  Praying for God to guide the Surgeon's strong hands and be able to accomplish what they are in there to do. Surgery is this afternoon. Praying for R to get through the surgery and recovery period of even more pain.  Why do things get worse before they get better????   I know somehow we'll all get through these days of trials and major testing of faith.  I know God never gives us more than we can handle...... but right now..... I'm asking for each one of you to hold us all up in prayer.  Your support and encouragement you've shown thus far is far greater than we ever imagined.  Keep it up!!   Love you all!!!     

Yesterday was a good day.  We actually got out twice.  He decided he wanted to attempt Church which he did.  It was such a blessing to us both to get hugs and well wishes from so many and to hear firsthand they are praying hard.  Then a recovery afternoon for him and we went to a little dinner party last night with friends. Thanks D & M - we always enjoy your warm welcoming home.  We enjoy these people so much that it's hard for him to give up and get home even though he knows what needs to happen.  He had a long time getting settled last night.  But after he did - I would say his night wasn't terrible.  He is having more difficulty getting comfortable at night these days.   

He's very ready for surgery tomorrow.  I can't say it's on the top of my list - but we know it needs to happen.  We need the answers. This is quite an invasive surgery with many risks that are very scary. Kuddo's to him for being very positive about the entire situation.  I'm asking each and every one of you to continue to send up your prayers especially tomorrow for all of us.       

The Focus

We have had a calm weekend so far which has been good.  We've enjoyed some visits from friends and family.  It seems very odd that we aren't out there with the hustle bustle of Christmas this year.  This year took on a new meaning of what's important.  The priorities changed back on December 2nd when we received the news.  Suddenly the shopping stopped - there are bigger things to handle than a list of who - what - when and where.... and it's ok.  The focus is on the current day and nothing more.  The focus is on the attempt to keep the pain to a manageable level. The focus is on where to set or lay to be the most comfortable for a bit.  The focus is on very simple things.  The focus is on this new week - the week that is certain to give us some much needed answers.  The new and updated list of who what where and when.

Your prayers are so important to us all.  Your friendship and love mean more than we will ever be able to express. 

All consuming

I've been thinking alot the last couple of days about the C word.  I stole the phrase from my wonderful daughters words.  It's amazing that this word can completely change your life.  It is all consuming.  Every thought - every move - every time you look anywhere - it's there.

My sister sent me the greatest message yesterday I want to share it with all of you - if you can get past the tears -it's awesome!  Thank you my dear sister! 

Yes, it feels like your world is spinning out of control and you are holding on by your fingernails at the end of this whipping and flying tempest being lashed from side to side.  Savor every moment - the good and the bad - they all serve a purpose on this journey.  The journey is the event - not what lies beyond the journey.  Don't wish to be down the road or a few weeks ahead - we sure do not know what the future brings - only God.  And we only know what today is  and we will celebrate this day and then we will celebrate tomorrow.  The journey is part of the significance of the event complete with its challenges, joy, fear, faith, growth, anger, new opportunities, family, old friends, new friends.  Savor the reflection, memories, and the amazement of what God is doing in your lives.

Looking Ahead

We found out yesterday Randy will indeed be having surgery next week for the biopsy.  There are many risks involved with this surgery.  As I have said before there are no other options so on we go.  We have to know so we can get a treatment plan in the works.  He continues to struggle with the side effects of the meds. He was back to taking the pain killers every 6 hours yesterday and I think he is much better when he manages his pain.  This morning he said he has to go quit taking them for a bit again.  Two steps forward - Three steps back. 

We will lay low for the next few days anticipating what is ahead. Everyday we continue to be blessed with the outpouring of encouragement, love, prayers and many other blessings from everyone.    THANK YOU!! 

Round # 2.

We met with the Neurosurgeon for round #2 today.  He will more than likely doing a biopsy next week via surgery.  Dr. was to study the films today with the radiologist to determine if the Radiologist would be able to biopsy the tissue around the large mass and come up with enough to determine what we all need to know. We were supposed to get a call either tonight or tomorrow morning with the decision from the Neurosurgeon and the radiologist and so far we haven't heard anything. Which means they could call in the morning and may of decided to do the needle biopsy and off we go again. 

However, the Dr. felt pretty confident that the best way is to go in surgically and get the tissue.  So more than likely next week we will be doing the surgery.  Randy is comfortable with the decision of the dr's and is more than ready to get an answer and get some treatment going.  The Neuro mentioned that the Radiation would benefit him to help relieve the pain since the meds are really not completely doing their job.  That of course, is after the diagnosis.

We appreciate all the prayers that are constantly going out on his behalf.  Keep them coming!  We need a miracle.   I'll be in touch....

    

 

Square One

Why does it seem like we are back to square one???  Seems like a week ago we were in the same spot. Waiting for answers - no matter what they be - we just need answers.  Can't we just fast forward?

Randy had a rough couple of nights the last two nights.  The pain medication is very strong and has horrible side effects.  He actually quit taking the meds to get some relief from the side effects.  I convinced him at 3:30 this morning to take a pain pill to get the edge off and he did.  I hate to see the pain get the better of him again.  He was managing the pain until the side effects took over.  He did feel good enough to drive himself to his work and Dr. Nattam's office today and take care of the dreaded paperwork that will now consume our every being.  Everybody wants something and it's always several pages long.  :(    On a positive note after he spoke to the insurance company.  We now have a case manager assigned to us - scary thought - but it will be nice to just talk to someone familiar with what is happening with him.

We have our dr. apt with the Neurosurgeon tomorrow morning.  I'm sure before we leave there we will be informed of when the procedure will be.  Dr. Nattam wants things moved along as quickly as possible as do we.

As the days progress....we are are so thankful - grateful - amazed - impressed - and blessed beyond measure for each one of you.  Keep the prayers coming.  Pray for strength as we all anticipate what this week will bring.

 

A new week begins.

"Determine the thing that can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way."  Abraham Lincoln

This week will lead us into more unknowns as it progresses.  Please pray for our radiologist,(that he can get into the large mass setting between T10 & T11 on the spine) our Neurosurgeon, (that even though he will be present--pray that he will not be performing emergency surgery due to complications with the withdrawl of cells) Randy, (the anticipation and that it's not horribly uncomfortable for him.) and lastly Me, Angela, & BJ (as we anticipate this test - the dangers of it all and the results). 

As of right now - we are schedule to see the Neurosurgeon Tuesday morning at 10:15.  There is an attempt in progress to move us to Monday. At this appointment he will be looking at the films again and going over the entire procedure before - during and after.  Dr. Nattam has been in constant contact with both the Neurosurgeon as well as the Radiologist Jason. They continue to work together in a very timely manner. As of today, we do not have an appointed time for the test - but we'll let you all know as soon as we know.

The encouragement for us continues and it's amazing.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us in one way or another. It's appreciated more than you will ever know.  

So Blessed

Our support group is amazing!  Tons of family and tons of friends have reached out to us to let us know they care!  We are just shaking our heads and smiling for the prayers that have been offered to the phone calls, visits, emails, meals, cards and the list goes on!!  Thank you all!!! It means more to us then you will ever know.

Randy is having a decent day today.  He's managing his pain with his meds and ice packs.  He feels like getting up off the couch for short bouts of time.  We both feel bad we missed our youngest grandaughter's third birthday party down in Mooresville.  That's the first thing we've ever missed and we hated it.  There is no way Randy could of handled the car ride down and back.  Setting is really hard for him.  It pulls on his back and is pretty painful after a short time. 

Please keep your prayers coming.  Next week should be a challenge - the dangerous test - the diagnosis - and the treatment plan.  But by this time next week - we should be filled with knowledge.  And I hope that's the plan.  Pray for the weather to be good enough for me to drive him where he needs to be.  I may be calling for a chauffer in a 4 wheel drive. 

When you must you can....

You know it's bad when you walk into DSS registration at Lutheran Hospital for the second time this week and they remember you.  Filling out the paperwork took about 3 minutes - they were kind enough to pull the stuff from 3 days ago.  They did a second Spinal Tap today.  He managed pretty well.  It's the 3 hour laying flat at the end that is the  hardest part.  And now at home- he rests on his back so he doesn't have a chance to get that dreaded jackhammer headache that can come with it.  He hasn't had the pain from the tap so far like he did on Tuesday.  I guess he's learned from his mistakes. 

His pain management is getting more under control now that he knows he needs "his drugs" every 6 hours. The prayer for today was that this tap would help us get a diagnosis and learn how we can treat the beast.

I made a phone call to FW Oncology this afternoon to Dr. Nattam's nurse and ask about the game plan for Monday.  Neither of us wanted to go through the entire weekend wondering what the next step was going to be.  She told me Dr. Nattam has already spoken to Dr. Young (the neurosurgeon) and they were getting set up for next week.  She had me call Dr. Young's office and talk to them.  They had already put a message on the home phone with our appointment set up for Tuesday.  However - his wonderful nurse is going to more than likely move it up to Monday.  We were impressed that all of this had taken place already.

Tonight Dr. Nattam personally call's Randy to check on him and see how today went and tells him that he is pretty confident that this tap will come back negative once again - we still have a little hope with the test results - but Randy has the same opinion that the dr. does.  Dr. Nattam is ready to move forward with going after the large mass and get some fluid out of it and go from there.  This is a very dangerous test as I've said yesterday.  We both know it needs to happen.  Without a diagnosis - we can do nothing.  There is no treatment - no other options. 




 

Procedure Time

Just letting you all know --- the procedure is at 1:30 this afternoon. 

More later..... 

Prayer Warriors Needed More Than Ever

Dr. Nattam one of the best Oncology doctors there is - is at a loss with Randy's case.  This Cancer is so rare.  The results of the Spinal Tap came back Negative - meaning they were unable to capture any Cancer Cells.  Without the cells to determine what sort of Cancer it is - there is no treatment.  Different cancers respond to different treatment.  So you don't just start treatment hoping it might help. 

Dr. Nattam would like us to repeat the Spinal Tap tomorrow.  We don't have an appointment yet - it was late when we got out of the Dr. so they have to call us tomorrow to let us know what time to show up at Lutheran Hospital once again.  We need prayers that this spinal tap fluid will hold the key to getting us some answers so we can get some relief by doing some treatment that will hopefully touch this ugly cancer.

If the Tap fluid comes back once again negative we move on to another test which we all would prefer not to attempt - however if it gives us answers then it would be beneficial.  This additional test would be very involved - The radiologist would go in farther to get fluid out of the largest mass which is setting on the spine at T-10.  Putting a needle in there is very dangerous. We have to have our Neurosurgeon standing by if is collapses he would be rushed immediately into major surgery.  There is only an 80% chance that he will come out of this doing ok.  There is a 20% chance that he could be paralized from the procedure.  

We basically have no options but what we've been given.  I am asking all of you to pray like crazy for the radiologist to grab a cancer cell while he's in there or grab a bunch of them!!  Better out than in.  I will inform him that is what he is to do when I get my shot at him prior to the procedure.   This is all very scary!  

Thank you for your prayers - make them be heard!!!  I'm counting on all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

We Wait....

Randy had a rough day today.  His night last night was good - so I was really hoping for him to have a better day.  I used my mighty muscles and brought up a different chair from downstairs and he can tolerate it better than anything else right now.  Thanks Mom and Dad for checking in today.  It was appreciated.  This evening he said he'd had a headache since noon. His stomach was upset.....all a result of the Percacet he's taking.  He was plain miserable!  I feel so bad for him.  Once again I praise FW Oncology - the Dr. on call had me a call back in less than 5 minutes.  She prescribed something for his nausea.  I hope it helps. The headache could be a result of the spinal tap according to the dr.  He did eat a good meal tonight.  

We are so blessed with wonderful friends and family who have shown us unending love and support through all of this.  Please pray that the spinal fluid will bring the dr. the news we need to get moving forward on some sort of relief for Randy.  Some clarity on what form of Cancer it is.  Our appointment isn't until 4:15 tomorrow so my update will be more than likely late again.

Thank you!!!  We are very fortunate to have all of you!  We can't do this alone. 

VERY long day....

How do you wake up (if you call it waking up when you've been not really sleeping) and think this is the day that some guy in a $400.00 suit is going to tell you what the future holds. My knees were shaking the entire morning while getting around - driving there - and entering the place.  I will say we both liked Dr. Nattam quite a bit.  He took his time with us. He had done is homework ahead of time.  He knew our case before he walked in and met us.  He is labeled as one of the best Oncology dr's there are. 

So we got some good news and some bad news.  We'll start with the good news.  The CT scan did not show any cancer in his pelvic or abdomen area.  The Cancer is up and down his spine and no where else. 

The bad news --  he does not have a clue at the present time what kind of cancer it is.  The suspicions are all pointing to Melanoma - but it is a rare type of Melanoma and it's not a typical cancer he has seen.  He felt he needed more information.  All he had to go on with the Radiologist reports and nothing concrete. There has not been a biopsy yet.  He got us on the fast track to gaining more knowlege today.  Dr. personally made the call to get us in quickly for the next test.

We spent the rest of the day (literally the rest of the day) at Lutheran Hospital.  They did a spinal tap to get some fluid to test and see what they can come up with. We visit Dr. Nattam again on Thursday.  He and we are hoping to learn more from the pathology report.  If it doesn't' show anything - we are back to square one.  We of course - aren't wanting to go backwards. 

Randy had to lay flat on his back for 3 hours following the tap.  Very hard for him to do - but he managed. He even ate his lunch flat on his back.  We made it home - and he is now in a great deal of pain from the tap.  He has to take it easy for the next 24 hours. 

Pray that we have a better night than last night.....  he can no longer lay in the bed - it is too painful - he moved to the chair in the middle of the night.  Pray that he loses the macho image of pain management.  He needs to take his pain med - before it gets so bad he can't stand it.  He is having an issue of his left leg going numb and being tingly.  Dr. did not like hearing that.  We have to get through the next couple of days and hope we get some answers and get going on things.  More than likely Randy will be having Radiation treatments to help knock down the pain soon.

We appreciate all the thoughts and prayers coming our way. Keep them coming!!   

Ya Gotta Ask If Ya Wanna Get...

What a day!!  We feel very blessed to have such amazing friends and family who have all been a huge source of encouragment during such a very difficult time.  I went to work today and made it until 3:30 with no tears.  It was just prior to that - I ask Troy M. to pray like he's never prayed. He sent me the most amazing prayer.....and it was for me!!  It fit me like a wet suit.  It was so needed!!!  Randy and I have both been very anxious to get to this appointment tomorrow morning.  Once again they have worked us in....we have a 7:30 a.m. appointment.  I have an Advil PM calling my name so I can get some rest to be ready to brave the future!  

Randy is having a great deal of pain.  He got some new wonder drugs from the dr. We are both hoping they allow him to get some rest and some pain relief.  

We thank God for each one of you.  Keep praying!!  We have  a long road ahead but we know you are all there pulling for Randy and together  we'll fight back in full force. 

 

God will supply but we must apply.

Yesterday was another day of just trying to get a grip on reality. Our two oldest grandchildren spent some time with us.  Addison and Ethan are a great diversion.  They keep you focused on the simple things. Play-doh, markers & paper, scissors and games on the IPOD Touch.......if it could only be that simple every day from here on out. 

We chose to visit another church today  - we needed our close nit group of friends to hear what was going on with Randy without us being present.  He wrote a letter yesterday to be shared with everyone.  They, like most of our friends and family were shocked to hear the news.  

We deeply appreciate all the phone calls, visits and everything that everyone wants to do for us.  God is in control and we have to lean on him.  He's worked a ton of miracles for many many years.   He holds the future.

December 3, 2010

I feel very weak today.  After a night of no sleep - just tossing and turning.... I put my feet on the ground and it all just hits you smack in the face - it's so real.  And the thing that makes me the maddest - I can't fix it!  I want the so called normal life back! But I realize that we have to move forward - there's no going back for a second chance.  We don't get a re-wind.  

Some disappointing news from the Neurosurgeon today.  He feels Randy's condition is inoperable.  He scheduled us to see the Oncology doctor on Tuesday morning.  We are grateful for the quick appointments.  Again - strength for telling our kids what we are up against as well as all family members.  We need a miracle.  We need all the prayers and encouragement we can get. 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

What a roller coaster of a day!  For several weeks prior to today - Randy has been experiencing severe back pain.  He has one of those stubborn man streaks and chose not to go to the dr. until the pain was unbearable.  They did x-rays 2 weeks prior to today and found nothing.  He called the dr. back and told her there has to be something that is causing me this much pain.  She sends him for blood work and an MRI with Contrast.  About an hour following the misery of the MRI - the Dr. herself is making a personal phone call to let him know the inevitable - Cancer is present and has reared it's ugly head in full force.  Not at all what either of us had expected to hear. Randy has several lesions on his spine and possibly inside his spinal cord that have metastisized.  We both thought a disc problem and the surgeon would make it all better.   Not so much.  She manages to get us a 9:00 a.m. appointment with the Neurosurgeon. That is amazing to me.  So we'll see what he says about all this.  We discussed how we didn't want anybody to know.  Telling our kids tomorrow will be one of the toughest things we have had to do.  Pray for us as we search for the strentgh to inform our families of our uncertainty.