Tidbits...


My patio table went together just like it had the last several years the other evening!  I was feeling pretty good about that!!


The Blood Drive held at R's workplace in his memory had twice as many donations given than they normally do!  That is an awesome thing!


Recommended read:  Heaven Is For Real!  A great book!!   Got me really thinking about R and what Heaven is like for him. 


My almost 5 year old grandaughter says to me Sunday morning at her house--"Everytime I go by the Peace Lily I think of Grandpa"  The kids and I were all blessed with a Peace Lily from the funeral.   Sometimes she says things that are way beyond what a 5 year old should be talking about. She struck a cord and I had to rebound quickly.  I am thankful for the memories they have and they do talk about him from time to time.

Grateful for sunshine and warmth!!!

Thankful for my best friend and husband and good friend for sharing the old hometown Pizza King the other night!  Super good pizza and loved the time together.   

Happy that I got to have two of my little people all day Sunday.  We had a great day together. 

I remain ever so thankful for the people God continues to put in my path.  They are my gentle reminders that each new day brings a new chance to keep going, to keep moving forward. 

" Life is like a book with many chapters we call seasons. Some chapters tell the story of love, drama, comedy, mystery, loss, adversity, growth, disappointment, triumph, etc. Some chapters are dull and ordinary, others intense and exciting. The key to enduring, persevering and being hopeful is to never stop on a difficult page, to never quit on a book or a chapter that seems too long. Some chapters may be sweet but too short. Your words, thoughts, actions, non-action and choices are the pens that write the pages in your book. Have the courage and faith to keep turning the pages believing better chapters lie ahead. God is the author and finisher of your life. Trust. Listen. Believe. Grow in God's word. Activate your gifts and talents. Be creative. Be kind. Be patient. Be faithful. Be grateful. Be fruitful."

It's been quite a week and for a change, I am anticipating a good weekend.  Mainly because I see the possibility of "sunshine" for the next few days.  That bright light up there in the sky does more for all of us than we realize.  Bring it on!!! 

This week I went up north to a retirement party for a past co-worker and a very dear friend.  There were almost 40 of us there and to see people that I spent 14 years with at B.E. was a bright spot in my week. It was almost like a step back in time to have JS, TP and myself all in the same place once again remincing about our B.E. days.  It was so good to see everyone!  I miss you all and think of you alot.  Enjoy your summer!!

Another first I had yesterday -- I always did the mowing even when R was around - but for some reason that is an emotional thing for me until yesterday - especially when I do the trimming.  I guess because he always followed behind to trim up the yard to keep it looking the best it could.  Last evening there were no tears when I trimmed or mowed.  Later on - I gave myself a pat on the back to say - "see things are improving little by little".  

I am so grateful for the offers of assistance with whatever I need.  I am so thankful for everyone keeping up with me - even though I am horrible about keeping up with you most of the time.  The days go so fast and I fill up my idle time to the brim and I'm glad I can do that.  Right now that is very important to me to be busy and keep my little feet moving forward. I know you all understand when you don' t get an email or phone call back.      

My garden is growing like crazy - it must enjoy the monsoon season we've been having.  This weekend I will get my table put together that has been laying on the deck just watching me pass it by for several weeks now.
Another one of those things - that I know since some time has passed - it will go together like peanut butter and jelly.  :) 

I hope you all have a very enjoyable weekend.  Jump into everything with love and passion. It's easier on some days than others........and always remember - results may vary.

"Everything that occurs in your life is part of God's plan to wake you up."

 

  

The firsts just keep coming......  and they aren't easy to experience.  This last weekend my daughter and family and I went to my son's for my youngest grandson's # 1 birthday party.  I didn't realize until a couple of days before we went that it was going to be super tough.   An awesome memory I have of R is with he and  TB at 3 months old just laughing and talking and giggling and cooing....  and R telling him he about the fishing trip they would one day take.  Unfortunately things change. 

We stayed at the home of our friends and they are just the greatest people in the world - but there again R used to love to be there with them and share in their company.  We all missed him greatly this last weekend.  It wasn't the same.  He is supposed to be there celebrating with us.  He is supposed to be sharing in the happy times. 

Tonight I braved the Verizon store to cancel R's cell phone.  I had my faith restored in them just a little - they cancelled his phone with no problem....no discussion.... they were very nice about it.  Most of the time with Verizon you have to get a signature from God to get anything accomplished.  On my way out of the store it just seemed like it was another reminder that he is really truely gone.  Little by little I am getting things in order. 

The firsts will be there for an eternity. I will always be grateful for the wonderful memories that can never be taken from me. I have faith that the firsts will become easier with time.  I continue to look for the little blessings that give me hope and nurture my soul.  While doing my 5 miles tonight I had a chance to reflect on the last several months. It's still hard to believe what we have been through.  I still have some things to conquer.  I still have many things to get a grasp on - and I'll get there sooner or later.  I have learned there is no hurry.  You do it when you know you can handle doing it.  

Tomorrow is a new day.  Begin it well!!!    

I have been reading a couple of books on Grief.  I have realized that at times when things are a blur to me - or I forget things - or the times I wander aimlessly around the house or the grocery in robotic mode - the feeling of being on a 10 second delay - those are all part of the grieving process. Grief is all normal, natural and necessary.  It's normal after being with someone for more than 1/2 of my lifetime.  It's natural in that it's a completly human thing to do.   It's necessary to let the emotions flow when they begin to come to the surface.

I came across the term "Creative Survivor".  Interesting huh??  I know that R would want me to be creative - I can hear him saying - you can do it - just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  I do feel pretty good about some things I've accomplished and other things that I know he's up there looking down - saying well ... hmmm....  I guess it will work that way.  Some things I'm sure he is proud of me for getting it done!

Creativity isn't really my thing - I'm more of a see it somewhere and do it - than create it on my own.......but I will continue to attempt to be creative and move onward one day at a time because he would of wanted me to do just that and it's going to be O.K.   

"If God brings it to you - God will bring you through it."


    



   

I can't believe I haven't been here much this week.  I have been keeping myself very busy after work each day with the nice weather and that means I'm not inside much until it's late.  It's been a week of ups and downs for me and I know that's to be expected.  There are still a million things that can set off the tears.  I've learned there is no reason to be strong all the time.  I am still under the care of many wonderful people who keep tabs on me and that makes me feel good. 

I received a poster this week from the nurse at R's workplace for a blood drive they are having.  At the bottom of the poster it says:  "Dedicated in memory of R... B..."  That got to me as well as the note from the nurse that said they miss him too. I'm sure they will have a great turn out.  He would be flattered.  He always gave blood when he could for years prior to getting sick.  If it wasn't so raw for me I'd love to attend and give blood on that day - but I just don't think I can.

I decided I wasn't going to come home tonight to an empty house - so I showed up at my daughters and snagged a couple grandkids and told my daughter and son in law it was time for a date night.  The kids and I had Taco Bell which we all enjoyed and later on ice cream that was supposed to be our secret but the secret was out of the bag about 20 seconds after the parents entered the house to pick them up.  Oh well.. we had a great time together and my evening was filled with coloring, lego's, bowling and many other things scattered throughout the house.

I witnessed an act of kindness this week that I was quite impressed with.  An elderly gentlemen went through a 4 way stop sign and lost an entire skid of softner salt right off the back of his truck.  It only took moments for two different guys to pull off the road and help this man fill his truck back up with these bags that weighed at least 50 pounds each.  I know he appreciated it very much - the poor man could hardly walk when he got out of his truck.  I was encouraged that there are people out there who are very willing to help a stranger.  It got me to thinking about looking for a form of encouragement each day this week and I was successful.  In my present scenrio I want to look for encouagement and give encouragement. I want to make a difference.  I want others to be inspired with the little simple acts of kindness they may see and hopefully it sways their thought process if only for a small amount of time and in time they pay it forward.

Heavenly father, I'm often anxious about what might happen in the days ahead.  Help me to trust you.  Fill me with praise for all you have done, all you are doing now, and what you will do in the future.

"Keep in mind that every challenge, great or small, is moving you to look deeper and draw forth the highest in you. You're never given a challenge beyond your ability to meet and master. You'll rise above every circumstance because you're greater than any circumstance." - Alan Cohen

I'm talking myself into believing the above quote tonight.  It seems I can rise above most challenges at work and at home.  Tonight however, my attempt to get the patio table put together I was defeated.  I have put that table together for the last several years so I am not sure what the deal is.  I gave up - but not easily.  It is now on my deck waiting on me to try again......someday........probably soon.  :)

Mother's Day was good. I joined my daughter and family for church.  I was surrounded by my family the rest of the day and grateful we kept busy all day.  I used to enjoy the holidays - so far not this year at all.  It all started with Thanksgiving last year now that I think about it - things have not been the same since and never will be.

R has been gone for a month today which is really hard to believe.  Sometimes it still feels like he is at work and he'll be coming through the door any minute. I miss him like crazy and I have to remind myself he's no longer suffering.  He's walking the streets of gold.  He's at the biggest celebration that is beyond your wildest imagination.

I hope the challenges you face are no where near the depth of what I experienced these past 5 months. Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. I'm working on rising above the challenges.  I'm hoping to use my experience to benefit someone that might now be wearing the shoes that I have recently worn. 

Ephesians 6:10


       

My heart is bursting at the seams tonight.  My oldest grandaughter had her preschool program tonight to celebrate the school year coming to a close.   It all flashes back to our kids being younger and how fast the time has gone and to where we are today.  R would of loved to see her tonight up there with all the kids just singing her little heart out.  It was awesome!  I'm sure he was watching and smiling from afar. 

I had a surprise phone call today from R's Hospice nurse.  She just wanted to check up on me. We had a nice talk.  I was happy she called.  My dad built me a raised garden this week so hopefully soon - my brother will be here with my dirt and I can get some things planted and fenced off from the little critters that will be trying to find a way to get my garden food. 

My week has been very busy and thankfully the weekend is filled right up with various things going on.  It's good to be busy especially over the weekends.  They can be long and quiet at times.  I'm still getting my mileage in as many days as possible between the rain showers.  I hope the crazy rains end soon.  I'm ready for warm weather.... hopefully we are on to summer weather because it looks like we skipped spring altogether. 

Happy Mothers Day to all the Wonderful Mothers I know.  Blessings to you all!!  

Live Simply....Love Generously....Care Deeply....Leave The Rest To God....

I have learned to live simply - to simplify - to not make a mountain out of a molehill - make it easy on myself.  I have leaned to love more generously - my children - my grandchildren.  Never take one moment for granted.  Time waits for no one.  Treasure every moment you have.  I do care deeply about more things than I ever have in the past.  I have learned to let go and let God.  The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

I feel very protected.
I feel very loved.
I feel very fortunate.

That doesn't mean......

...I've always got a smile on my face.
...I don't have my sad times.
...I don't miss R.

It gives me hope to know....

...I have such loving and giving family and friends.
...I'm being watched over every day.
...Prayers continue going out for me. 

It's a bittersweet thing to be lucky and unlucky all at the same time.  I will press on!  I will do what needs to be done!  I will persevere!!