The firsts just keep coming......  and they aren't easy to experience.  This last weekend my daughter and family and I went to my son's for my youngest grandson's # 1 birthday party.  I didn't realize until a couple of days before we went that it was going to be super tough.   An awesome memory I have of R is with he and  TB at 3 months old just laughing and talking and giggling and cooing....  and R telling him he about the fishing trip they would one day take.  Unfortunately things change. 

We stayed at the home of our friends and they are just the greatest people in the world - but there again R used to love to be there with them and share in their company.  We all missed him greatly this last weekend.  It wasn't the same.  He is supposed to be there celebrating with us.  He is supposed to be sharing in the happy times. 

Tonight I braved the Verizon store to cancel R's cell phone.  I had my faith restored in them just a little - they cancelled his phone with no problem....no discussion.... they were very nice about it.  Most of the time with Verizon you have to get a signature from God to get anything accomplished.  On my way out of the store it just seemed like it was another reminder that he is really truely gone.  Little by little I am getting things in order. 

The firsts will be there for an eternity. I will always be grateful for the wonderful memories that can never be taken from me. I have faith that the firsts will become easier with time.  I continue to look for the little blessings that give me hope and nurture my soul.  While doing my 5 miles tonight I had a chance to reflect on the last several months. It's still hard to believe what we have been through.  I still have some things to conquer.  I still have many things to get a grasp on - and I'll get there sooner or later.  I have learned there is no hurry.  You do it when you know you can handle doing it.  

Tomorrow is a new day.  Begin it well!!!