Yesterday was a busy day for me - but I like busy --- I have to be busy...it keeps my mind preoccupied...it helps keep the blues chased a little farther away.  My boss P.O. came over at 7:00 a.m. and put my new mower together.  THANK YOU a million times over!  I had a warm coffee cake ready to shove in his hands when he was finished.  I was thrilled to have that done.  I went to work - had lunch with a great freind - went back to work - had dinner with my daughter and 2 of my grandkids.  Called it a day and slept decently last night.

I laid in bed and had a mental list of what all I wanted to accomplish today.  The weather was supposed to be motivating.......  it sure wasn't until later this afternoon.  But I persevered.  Got my car washed - pick up mulch at Lowes and came home...did my 5 miles.....what is with the wind anymore?? Everyday the wind blows and blows hard.  I mowed with my new awesome key start mower - the yard has never looked better.  (If I do say so myself.) I trimmed - pulled weeds -dug up a dead bush - spread the mulch out back - and I stretched those two large bags -- and it worked.   I was pretty proud of myself.  Then I took the opportunity to relax on my deck and take in the window of sunshine we were able to finally get after waiting all day for it.  My son is law called and took me to Steak & Shake with he and the grandkids for dinner.  My daughter was doing "Girls Night Out" tonight.  I was thrilled to spend a little time with them and eat one of my favorite sandwiches. 

My son called to tell me my other grandaughter was "mortally wounded today" and announced that she was "breakable".  And my youngest grandson found the potting soil today....  you can use your imagination here and it will be correct.  :) 

Thank you to my wonderful friends and family that checked in one me today.  I'm very appreciative to have so many people that care.  The days can be tough.  The days can be long and quiet.  The quietness is something that I don't handle well.  My mind begins to work overtime on those days and the emotions have a tendency to take over.  Time is a great healer - and I know that we all need to give it some time to do just that. 

I almost have another week under my belt.  I was able to join some friends last evening for "Girls Night Out".  I enjoyed seeing everyone and the food was delicious!  We have already decided we are going to do it again - soon I hope.  They are true friends who really care about each other and we have some laughter and some "almost" tears.  I did pretty good last night in the tearful category.  Sometimes it doesn't take much to get me going.

Tonight after work I put my big girl pants on and went to Sears and bought me a new mower. I had done my research - so I knew what was out there - I knew what I wanted - I knew the questions to ask.  I think the sales dude was impressed that I just kept rattling them off one after the other.  My boss helped me with a couple of decisions and wha-la - I was the owner of a big box that fit in the back of my new car and it says very little assembly -- my new mower! It starts with a key!  That is awesome!  That was one thing I insisted it have.  I need the reassurance that it will start when I need it to start.  They had 4 mowers that had key starts.
I am looking forward to using the crazy thing.

Yesterday at work I received a HUGE gift from all the employees.  I felt very very blessed.  I was overwhelmed and flaberghasted.  To those of you who read this - Thank you....thank you for helping me out - thank you for making my job easier being such awesome people to work with.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for going above and beyond.  Hugs to you all!! When I told my son about my gift - he made the comment that the blessings just keep coming......and they do......   It makes all of us feel pretty good.

Have a Fabulous Friday!

Today marks the 3rd time in a row that my mower refused to start for me.  Makes me look like a total idiot to those who might be watching the charade on my street.  Thankfully my wonderful neighbor came home from work and I pleaded my case.  He came right over just like the last time.  The time prior to that another neighbor helped me out.   So I did manage to get my yard work done tonight after work.  I kept hoping it wasn't going to rain until I got the mowing done.  The sun was shining the whole time.  I'm grateful for the people that are in my path just when I need them.  

I think I need my front yard rolled.  It's all out of whack - high spots - low spots....if someone knows anyone that does that - please let me know.  Meanwhile - I will be searching for the new key start mower.  I saw one in the Sears flyer tonight.  It also said limited availability - so I'm sure it will be my luck there will be no more in the state of Indiana. I love to mow so I will get this dilemma solved. 

I met with R's work people today to go over some important stuff.  Thankfully they left me have a little more time to make a couple of decisions. My boss sat in on my meeting and took some really great notes!  Thanks TB.  It was appreciated! R was always the one to handle all the really important stuff - he understood it - I was along for the ride and (thought) I would never have to know some of this stuff.  Just when you think you are done learning and your little brain won't hold anymore - guess what..... It expands all by itself and stuff creeps in there and sticks around and says - you have to do this.

I have to do alot of things right now that I don't want to do.  It's all part of my "new normal".  I'm not fond of the new normal.  But I am pressing on!  So thankful for a good job to keep me busy during the day.  So thankful for warmer days coming to allow me to get out of the house to get my miles in.  So thankful for people encouraging me and making sure I'm doing ok.  So thankful for my wonderful kids who are constantly checking up on me and including me on things. 

Never Stop Praying!  I Thessalonians 5:17


 

My first holiday without R. He was missed.  I was very grateful for lots of family time today with my daughter, son in law, the grandkids, my parents, my sister and fam and my brother and extended family.  Church was tough today.  Last week it wasn't as tough as it was today.  Maybe last week I was still in some undetermined state of reality not having sunk in yet.  I got through it and moved on.  There wasn't much idle time today which is good for me.  We had an Easter Egg Hunt for the kids which we all enjoy.  The kids thought it was fun to hide the eggs and then the adults find them....empty of course after they good their loot.  LOL  We had some great food and some laughter mostly provided by the little people. It was great to spend some time outside in the warmth of the sun and no wind.  Nice change.   Maybe spring is here to stay.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I'm focused on a new week.  A new week of continued "firsts".  A new week of still getting used to the "new normal".  I do appreciate everyone checking on me and offering to help do whatever I need done.  It means alot to me. 

May your week be positive and uplifting and may you look and find a small blessing in each day. 

So thankful for sunshine and warm temperatures today.  One more day of rain and I thought I might lose my mind.  Could of done without the wind - but as my (almost) 5 year old grandaughter says:  "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit".  May we have some more of those sunny warm days. 

Yesterday thanks to my wonderful son in law - we accomplished a few things that had to be taken care of - such as the bank.  With R being the primary account holder they froze my account as of yesterday until I could get it switched over to my name - so now that's done as well as a couple of other things for which I am grateful. 

Today was a busy day for me.  I started off the day getting R's car all cleaned up - it went to it's new home today.  When they picked it up they thought it was a different car.  It was a little dirty the first time they saw it.  So glad it worked out for all of us.  Then my best friend came and we enjoyed Dunkin Donut's White Hot Chocolate and then we went shopping and had lunch.  When we finished our shopping - I came back home and got my 5 miles in for the first time in a very long time - it was wonderful.  Then I swept out my car and gave it a quick bath.  Then I headed to my daughter's to spend some time with the whole family.  We visited a new restaurant in the area - I came home and made food for Easter Dinner with my parents tomorrow.
I was grateful to be busy today.... my mind needs to be busy.  I don't do well with idle time here at the house.

I had a surprise phone call tonight from a classmate of mine. She just heard today about R - it was great to talk to her and it looks like we'll be in touch from here on out. 

May you have a blessed Easter tomorrow.  I'm ready to end my day.  Good night all.  :) 

Strength is what I pray for.  I have a huge void to get acquainted with and it's not easy.  It's very quiet here.  There has been so much going on the last four months and now to have everything silenced is something I will have to get used to.  It's going to be better when it's nicer outside.  It was nice tonight after work - but I got my hair cut and then had to mow and then it was too late to pound the pavement.  I so long to get out there - put my sun glasses on so I can pretend nobody sees me - breathe in the fresh air - and just run!!  Just run to escape reality for just awhile.  Just to let my mind concentrate on nothing for just awhile.  To throw myself into a task with effort but yet mindless for just awhile.  I know the nicer weather is on the way - I know better days are on the way....  I really like this song - you can read the words below or view the video on YouTube under song title and author.  It's a very meaningful song.  

STRONGER by Mandisa

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus]
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you Stronger
Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus]

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

It seems I am having quite a time of getting caught up on sleep.  Yesterday by the time I got off work I was so tired - I wanted to give up the day at 6:30 but held off until 8:20...so last night when it stormed at 10:30 I thought it was time to get up and realized I could read the back of my eye lids for a while longer yet.  And I did. I know it's going to take awhile to get my body back in sync... one day at a time. 

I have started a list of the multiple phone calls I need to make to get this and that taken care of.  It's hard to know who is the most important on the list. It's quite overwhelming to have to figure things out on your own.  I was reminded today that any decision I may make can always be reversed or changed.  I will remember those words.  In the funeral "package" you get 4 death certificates - remember that you will need about 4 times that number if you are ever faced with an unfortunate situation such as mine.  You get good at asking if someone can use a copy or do they need the actual raised seal. Most of them tell you they need an original - and of course they do. 

Friends invited me to dinner tonight with another couple.  It was very nice.  Funny thing - I was watching a clock on the floor and didn't realize it was an hour behind until I got in the car to come home and my car said it was an hour later than I thought.  No wonder the yawns started.  Keep praying for strength for me to get adjusted.  Tomorrow I hope to post this song I heard today called "Stronger".  I have not heard it in it's entirety yet - but I'll check it out.  Good night all..... I need sleep.

 A new week in my so called "new normal".  I went to church yesterday which was very tough to do - but I did it and it felt good to go.  Everyone made me feel so welcome and I walked out after the service holding my head higher than when I went in.  The rest of the day - I"m not sure what I am supposed to be doing.  I got nothing accomplished at home - I moved piles from one counter to the other.  I haven't done anything that needs to be done.  My daughter, her family and I visited one of "our girls" who just had a very cute little boy and then we had dinner and called it a day. 

I need some nicer weather so I can get going on my running/walking once again. My fitness routine went down the tubes when R became sick.  There was no time for anything extra when I was caring for him. I am more motivated when I get my 5 miles in almost every day.  This was the year I was going to strive to do the Fort for Fitness.  I guess it's not too late to get my plan in motion.  Maybe that will give me something to focus towards. 

I went to work today.  I can pour myself into my job and for that I am grateful.  I had a meeting after work so home later than normal and not much time to really get into anything - so I guess I am off the hook for being productive again tonight. Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family for checking on me - the phone calls - emails - cards - messages -  I appreciate them all.  It means alot to me. Even R's nurse called me today and left a message. She's very sweet. Praying for a restful night tonight.  Praying for strength as I learn how to live the "new normal".    

"Friends are the pillars on your porch.  Sometimes they hold you up.  Sometimes they lean on you. Sometimes it's just enough to know they are standing by." 

My Son's Tribute - Read at the Funeral of his Father

“treat her like a fragile glass figurine

My dad spoke these words to me in the final weeks leading up to my wedding. He told me treat my wife like she is a fragile glass figurine. “Hold her gently.” “Calm her nerves.” “Talk things out.” “Seek first to understand her.” The first time he gave me this advice, I thought, “No problem, I can do that.” Now that I’ve been married for almost a decade, I'm beginning to understand what my dad was trying to teach me. He was teaching me to love well.

His words remind me of the the words in the Bible as Scripture speaks of loving your wife as Jesus Christ loved the Church. Sacrifice. Servant Leadership. Dying so she can live well.

When my dad told me to treat my wife like a fragile glass figurine, I immediately looked at him and thought of every interaction I could remember between him and his wife, my mom. He wasn’t telling me something he wasn’t living. It took my dad about twenty seconds for my dad to tell me to treat my wife like a fragile glass figurine, but I realized in that moment he had been teaching me this truth by example for about twenty years. 

My relationship with my wife is better because of my dad’s decision to love, honor, and respect his wife, my mother. She is a better, stronger, and more fulfilled woman because of his love for her.

My dad's love for his wife was absolutely genuine. His love didn’t come from a selfish place. His first thought about anything in life was directed towards how it would affect his wife and his family first. His life and personal well-being was always less important than that of his wife and his children. That's love.

He taught me that love is both a fleeting emotion and a strong commitment to another person. Love creates the butterflies in the stomach and the desire to stick it out through times. Love makes hearts burn with passion and break with loss. Love boasts of the good and takes pride in the soul of another.  

My dad was my model for how to love. I’m deeply appreciative and grateful for the integrity of my dad's love for my mom. There was no other. She was his, and he treated her like a fragile glass figurine. His love had integrity.

My dad was always showing my mom his love in different ways. It may have been as simple as flowers or a short note, but I remember calling my mom’s cell phone one day just to see what they were up to and my dad had whisked her off on a short vacation. Once my sister and I were grown and enjoying our own families, these short vacations, road trips, and  bed and breakfast trips became a more common occurrence. 

I love that he loved.

I love how he loved.

I love that he loved well.

I love that he would surprise my mom with gifts and trips and flowers and notes.

My dad’s example of how he loved my mom is the single most important contributor in how I try to love my wife. 

When a woman knows she is loved well, she is not afraid to become the woman she is meant to be. The heart and soul of a woman is empowered to flourish because she has the continual knowledge that there is someone very close to her that is pulling for her. My mom is who she is today because of how my dad loved her.

My dad's love for my mom teaches me that my relationship with my wife, and her relationship with me, is more important than any reality we find ourselves in. A husband’s relationship with his wife spans through many different realities and the relationship with each other and God is the only constant through all the changes that come throughout life. 

Most marriages make it through the everyday realities of life well enough. But if the relationship is going to survive the difficult and painful realities of life, the relationship must be put on a pedestal. The relationship must be elevated if it’s going to make it through the most difficult and painful realities of life. My parent's relationship mattered more than any reality they found themselves in. If one were looking for proof, all they need to do is look at my mom and how she cared for my dad up until the very end.

The love my father lived out through the years has started a beautiful cycle. My dad’s love for my mom was infectious to me. I caught it and I am trying to be like him everyday. My sister is who she is today because she was loved well by my father. He encouraged her. He told her she was a princess. He propped her up. He told her she could do anything. He took care of her. He hugged her. He loved her well. Then she found a husband who would treat her like my dad had treated her. Now my brother-in-law and I are going to raise our sons to love well. We are going to raise our daughters to recognize what it means to be loved well. The cycle will continue when they grow and navigate life and model for a new generation what it means to love as Jesus loved.

May you love well. 

May you abandon what makes sense.

May you surprise the ones you love.

May your integrity be noticed.

May we all model the love of Christ as well as my father has.

I couldn't believe how tired I was yesterday.  It was the first day following the events of the last 4 months. I slept wed night out of shear exhaustion.  I spent some time with my daughter and 2 of the grandkids.  We all had lunch with my brother before he flew back to Texas.  Then it was time for a nap for all of us.  I came home and did some yard work.  The neighbors son in law came to help with my mower - since I knew it would be tough to start beings it was the first of the season - I should be fine now for the summer.  Appreciated the help C.  It was fulfilling to me to clean up the yard and mow. I did a few other mindless jobs and called it a day.

I did go to work today. Eased into my job for one day - I was tired - lots to do - but I was very glad to be back doing something normal.  It felt so good!! 

Tonight I am exhausted again.  I am into bed early and just relaxing.   I just want to sincerely thank alll of you who are looking after me - praying for me and the kids - leaving me messages - sending cards of encouragement - calling me.  We continue to be so blessed.  I really feel honored to be an inspiration to others with this blog.  It didn't feel right not blogging last night - but I could hardly wait to let my head rest on the pillow.

May your weekend be wonderful!!