A new week in my so called "new normal". I went to church yesterday which was very tough to do - but I did it and it felt good to go. Everyone made me feel so welcome and I walked out after the service holding my head higher than when I went in. The rest of the day - I"m not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I got nothing accomplished at home - I moved piles from one counter to the other. I haven't done anything that needs to be done. My daughter, her family and I visited one of "our girls" who just had a very cute little boy and then we had dinner and called it a day.
I need some nicer weather so I can get going on my running/walking once again. My fitness routine went down the tubes when R became sick. There was no time for anything extra when I was caring for him. I am more motivated when I get my 5 miles in almost every day. This was the year I was going to strive to do the Fort for Fitness. I guess it's not too late to get my plan in motion. Maybe that will give me something to focus towards.
I went to work today. I can pour myself into my job and for that I am grateful. I had a meeting after work so home later than normal and not much time to really get into anything - so I guess I am off the hook for being productive again tonight. Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family for checking on me - the phone calls - emails - cards - messages - I appreciate them all. It means alot to me. Even R's nurse called me today and left a message. She's very sweet. Praying for a restful night tonight. Praying for strength as I learn how to live the "new normal".
"Friends are the pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up. Sometimes they lean on you. Sometimes it's just enough to know they are standing by."
Don't go thinking that just because you had four months to prepare for Randy's passing, you don't need time to grieve now that his and your ordeal are finally over. It's completely normal to spend time in a fog and not be "productive" for awhile.
ReplyDeletePersonally I think our culture made a mistake when they decided that people are only allowed to be sad for two weeks, and after that there's obviously Something Wrong and it's time to medicate them. There was a time when we were expected to spend a full year in mourning, with obvious symbols to let everyone know that we'd lost someone, and obvious changes in behavior - everything from how a person dressed to what activities they were expected to participate in or avoid were all covering by being "in mourning". Having an entire society understand and accept that process has to have been healthier than what we do now.
Take the time. You're allowed, "deserving" or not isn't actually part of the equation, and it isn't self-indulgent. Let yourself not get anything done; let yourself do what is necessary to heal naturally, and don't rush the process. Rushing never works.
Hugs and blessings to you.